John Roberts vs. Joe Biden: game, set, match!

Game, set, and match! or “You can go to the showers now, Senator”

Photos right: Will the real professional politician please stand up? Er . . . on second thought, please sit down.

The Scene (9/13-14-15/2005): The Senate Judiciary Committee’s partisan hearing for D.C. Appeals Court Judge, John Roberts, nominee for Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Photographers crowded cheek to jowl on the floor in front of the U-shaped, magisterial dais draped in pleated red felt. Seated facing his Democrat and Republican Inquisitors at a table covered in government felt, an imposing, boyishly handsome man. He's extemporaneously and confidently fielding--without notes, briefing books, or the whispers from aides--Senators’ questions, most of which are reasonably restrained and orderly, because of Chairman Arlen Specter’s firm rein on the committee's proceedings.

Enter Senator good ol’ folksy ‘Joe’ Biden. Senator Joe tried unsuccessfully to test Specter’s strong hand. You see, good ol' Senator Joe had a plan to uncover the too-perfect nominee, but more on that below. Joe Biden, after 32 years in the Senate and having achieved his fellow Senators’ grudging acceptance of the informal title of “Senior Senator”--he's just never been able to gain control over his hugely overblown view of himself and his imagined importance--especially when any kind of camera is nearby. Joe, like the other senators on the Committee, had a 30-minute session to question Roberts, but he just didn’t get it! Specter refused to allow him to run over his allotted time, after Joe had spent 20 minutes of his 30-minute limit grandstanding and overacting before allowing Roberts to respond. Poor ol' Joe chafed, objected and then pouted when he couldn't get additional time--under his privilege as a "senior senator."

Ah, yes, good ol’ Joseph Biden (he prefers to be called “Joe”—he wants everybody to think of him as just a regular guy), Democrat Senator of Delaware. Delaware may be a Mighty Mouse in stature, but it's clearly a Goliath when it comes to business. Corporations everywhere love Delaware because it’s a little like the off-shore havens for companies and individuals who crave maximum freedom, less taxation, and minimal oversight of their business activities.

As I said, Senator Joe was bent on “finding the truth” about this suspect nominee of President Bush, one of the most qualified candidates ever to come before the Senate for the Supreme Court—an admission from even many Democrats, on and off the Committee. Problem is, Joe just isn’t sufficiently on an intellectual par to joust the law with Roberts—he had long ago proved this insufficiency during his law school studies at Syracuse University where he had to resort to plagiarism to pass at least one course.

So instead of trying to take on Superstar Robert's legal mind, Joe figured he might have an even chance of making points with his famous touchy-feely, emotional approach--to demonstrate to TV viewers that the Judge may be an intellectual legal giant, but that he lacks a common “Good Heart” (great tactic, Joe, ‘cause everybody knows mean-spirited Republicans don’t take care of the folks). This tried-and-true emotional-appeal approach has always worked well for the senator, starting with his first senatorial campaign in 1971-72. So he laid his trap, using the endlessly controversial “right-to-life” issue--you can't get more emotional than this one, unless it's whether the pledge of allegiance should contain the words "Under God." (Note: Out of respect for the reader of this essay, the following is an extremely abbreviated version of Joe’s actual presentation--but you'll get the flavor of the senator's intention from this snippet.)

[Biden with his most sincere demeanor for the camera.]“Judge, now we all know you can’t answer specific questions on matters that might come before you on the bench, and I don’t want you to. What I want to do is to look at things from a human perspective, you know, like us regular Americans would. So pretend you’re the father, mother, son, daughter, or other relative of a senior citizen, clearly at the end of his or her normal life span, or maybe comatose after an accident [Joe’s really crafty here—he’s referring to the recent Terry Schiavo case that made so much national news], lying there helpless, hooked up on artificial life support systems . . . someone you love and admire. And, taking it one step further, let’s say that this person had told you, before he or she had arrived at this unfortunate state, that they wouldn’t want to live artificially like this. And it’s in your hands—it’s up to you, not someone else, to decide. Now, like I said, just pretend you’re a regular person—not a judge or high official—just a person like me or anyone else in this room. What I want to know is, what’s inside your heart, judge . . . forget the law for a minute, quit thinking like a lawyer. You know how we lawyers think [good try, Joe, trying to elevate yourself to Robert’s intellectual level]—we’re always trying to cross the T’s and dot the I’s, but I don’t want you to do that here. Just tell me what’s in your heart. Please, judge, the American people have a right to know What. . . Is . . . In . . . Your. . Heart. Look deep inside your heart, Judge Roberts. As a human being, a person, a caring person. Please tell us. Tell us what's in your heart, Judge. We Americans deserve to know!”

Roberts, without even clearing his throat, looked sly ol' Senator Joe in the eye and briefly summarized reality: (1) Because the right-to-life issue is a running controversy that inevitably will be back in Court sometime during his own future tenancy, he would be breaking the judge’s canon of ethics if he were to give a “heart-felt,” personal opinion that would be later held against him—resulting in self-recusal, and (2) In his capacity as an future impartial Supreme Court Justice, he is obligated never to put his “emotions” in front of the facts, which litigants would expect him to evaluate impartially. “Facts,” he reminded Joe, must always trump “feeling,” if the law is to be respected and justice achieved. That’s why, Roberts explained, for good or ill, the universal symbol of justice is the blindfolded lady holding a balancing scale. Touche, Senator Joe!

That was it—short, simple, anticlimactic, and diplomatic (as much as Roberts could possibly be, having to talk about the obvious to a mature politician). In his brief response Roberts had managed to destroy Joe’s simplistic—o yea, juvenile— attempt to substitute logic for emotion, while simultaneously depriving the good ol’ senator from scoring any political points with even the most touchy-feely listeners out there on the fruited plains.

Senator Biden has succeeded as a life-long politician because his electorate is tiny (Delaware’s total population is a mere 783,000--less than Tucson’s population) and has, in its best years, an electorate turnout for national elections of about 30,000). But more important is that Joe discovered a long time ago that if he sidles up to the business-legal community that Delaware nurtures as the nation’s “friendly incorporater,” his longevity would be virtually guaranteed for as long as he wants. It requires just the sort of “good ol’ boy” image that Joe is comfortable with and finds easy to exude. This image would not only ingratiate himself with the business scions that call Delaware home, but would be an adequate cover for his lack of native intellect and/or legal skills. To demonstrate his versatility, if you've listened to this eight-term (32 years) pol over the years, you'll realize that Joe has acquired several regional dialects (ranging from Alabaman back-country to Bostonian upper crust)-- both in idiom and accent. He's also able to put on a terrific “aw shucks” routine that would disarm the hardest ladies in any local garden club in the country.

This time the Senator failed to score. In fact, he probably managed to create a considerable back-lash component, even from among his own Delaware constituency. The problem is that Judge Roberts has been successfully fine tuning his mind and his personality since he was a high school student at the demanding, all-male La Lumiere Catholic boarding school near La Porte, Indiana. As some pundit commented recently, he’s almost too-perfect a nominee to replace the late Justice Rehnquist who, ironically, was one of Roberts' many friendly stepping stones on his way to the pinnacle. It is evident that the Senate Judiciary Committee, left and right of the aisle, recognizes that when a giant the likes of Roberts comes along, equipped and willing to serve this country in such an important capacity, you'd better snag him before he gets too discouraged.

It’s likely that Joe’s Delaware voters also recognize and admire these qualities, in spite of Senator Joe's failed attempt to find some dreck to dump onto the nominee. Yes siree, Senator--I’ll bet on John Robert’s genuine “Good Heart”—based on what he’s done with his mind, his heart, and his life, all of which came across well on the picture tube--as opposed to the twisted, hard-hearted image you hoped to shape from Judge Roberts' dedicated, disciplined life.

After Roberts' three-day marathon ordeal, it was clearly "Game, Set, and Match!" Senator Biden, you've proven yourself to be the consummate professional Washington politician of whom Americans have grown weary. More than once, you've immodestly confessed on the Sunday talk shows your belief that your greatest strength lies in being possessed by great common sense--the "gut" feelings you often use to make decisions in the Senate.

We note with alarm that you believe you should now elevate your "feelings" to the office of the U.S. presidency in '08, and that you've already started an "exploratory" effort in this direction. Joe, based on your performance the past three days, it's our "gut feeling" that it's time you head for the showers.