Only in America!

Cold beer nixed in Missouri!

No joke! The news media report this morning that a Missouri state legislator has introduced legislation (suggested--no kidding--by a grade-schooler's research) that would make beer under 60-degrees Fahrenheit illegal to sell or transport.

Seems the young future scientist presented convincing (in Missouri, anyway--which may explain the ludicrousness of the issue) evidence to Missouri's lawmakers that people drink more beer when it's too cold or, expressed tautologically, Americans reject and thus drink less warm beer ( it should be noted that in Germany, this would not hold true, inasmuch as in many parts of that world beer-guzzling nation, patrons often dunk battery-driven "beer warmers" in their mugs if tap-served brew comes out too "cold").

The pending legislation would put at risk any seller and buyer of beer caught with beer measuring under 60 degrees.

What's next? Missouri's Highway Patrol testing the temperature of any six-pack being transported by an unfortunate driver? I can envision an alternative to a hefty ticket and appearance before a local magistrate: Buying some ribs or chicken and inviting the beleaguered patrolman to an impromptu picnic at the nearest roadside rest stop. And why not? Missouri's in America.

Competing lawmaker mentality: Water ecology. The beer-temperature legislation rivals the proposal of a newly elected councilwoman in our little desert town. Wanting to impress her constituency that she was up to the task, she proposed a city law that would require homeowners to install pool covers on their outdoor pools when not in use--the idea being that the move would save water lost to evaporation in the desert heat. Her suggestion hit a snag when a more experienced fellow-councilman asked her how she proposed to make sure home owners were complying by covering their pools, most of which are located in their backyards. The lady stammered, paused, and the council moved on without further discussion.

But don't laugh! After the council session a wag suggested that she introduce her legislation at the state level--where it'd be more likely to find endorsement (a greater number of "professional" lawmakers, you see) and--given the wider application throughout Arizona--could theoretically amount to water savings in the millions of gallons, while simultaneously stimulating the growth of an industry: pool cover manufacturers. Given the Missouri cold-beer experience, the suggestion might be a sound one.